It has been far too long since I really sat down and wrote in this blog. What is there to say? The days and weeks have marched forward, the seasons have shifted, and I have grown and stagnated.
I have made some real progress, but I have also seen some real setbacks. I can blame any number of things, but it comes back to choices I make. I know that.
"I have just now come from a party where I was its life and soul; witticisms streamed from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me, but I went away — yes, the dash should be as long as the radius of the earth's orbit ——————————— and wanted to shoot myself." - Søren Kierkegaard
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That has been me lately. I feel at times I will burst if I do not say the witty and wildly inappropriate thought that has sprung into my mind. My my mouth becomes a wellspring offensive humor and shocking statements. I get laughs and sharp intakes of breath... I get reactions. It is unfortunately something I have come to thrive on as an adult. Now as I try to step awayy from that aspect of my life, I find myself not simply trying to resist saying these things. I find myself trying not to have these thoughts at all. The fire that [I] have warmed up to is only going to burn [me] up inside [mae].
We build ourselves piece by piece from debris around us. I am now trying to shed these things, so that I may grow without their restriction. I know this all very hard. I know this is all challenging and difficult. I also know that I make it harder.
"The task must be made difficult, for only the difficult inspires the noble-hearted." - Søren Kierkegaard
Friday, November 6, 2009
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