[debut]

On this day, I am going forward. I am putting a foot in front of me and going in a direction I have not seriously walked in a very long time.

I suppose some explanation is in order.

I became a Christian when I was about 16 years old. I prayed the prayer in the front of my AMC Concorde on a Tuesday night in front my high school friend's house. Her and her family were instrumental in my faith. They saved me and I will be eternally grateful for their patience and love. I walked that path for several years (not perfectly mind you) and then I began to seriously stumble.

I got married, had a child, and began to study Wicca and paganism in general. At the time I was completely enamored with the idea of magic and fantasy and all of the aspects of these things that came with neo-paganism. I had become disillusioned with the church when I started to see how many things were not as black and white as I had thought.

This upset my wife. I practiced for a few years before I finally stopped. Even stopping, I did not completely leave it behind. I just did not do it actively. When we split up in 2003 I viewed this as an opportunity to reclaim my pagan pratices. I revived my local online group and started anew.

I met a girl during this time who also practiced. She was more of a self-taught non-traditional witch, but she was definitely pagan. We were both so happy to have someone else who believed.

The problem was that I realized with time that I didn't. I tried to, I really tried... for years. I tried paganism, Taoism, I flirted with Christianity, and other paths as well... The problem was that I did not believe in any of it. I wanted to, but wanting is not enough. I finally saw that paganism was something that I liked the idea of, but knew in my heart wasn't true.

During this time the only things that did make sense were my games and my music. I tried to concentrate on that. That was when I discovered Demon Hunter. I have always listened to my favorite Christian bands regardless of my beliefs because they produce really good music. Demon Hunter though... God used that to convict me over and over... to make me face the truth.

Since then I have joined the Blessed Resistance and struggled with what to do. I'm a gamer, my wife is a witch, and I have very few Christian friends. I have spent the last few days talking with them.

God really spoke to me the other night over a pint in my favorite pub. He made it very clear what is expected of me. I freaked a little. I'm doing better now. I know I must be on the right path because I swear I can feel the subtle tendrils of Satan trying to fill me with doubt. So far, it isn't working.

So, here we go.