The Tide Began to Rise

I can see now that this has been going on for a while. I look back and it is evident to me.

I was reading the notes for a game I was planning to run earlier this year. I was calling it Acquisitions and I shan't bore you with the details, but it was very much about faith and belief. The entire first "season" was devoted to the concept of catechism: What do you (the characters) believe? It is no surprise that this took a decidedly Abrahamic bent.

I have been talking with few select friends that I trust and a lot has come of it. All of them have been wonderful and supportive. One friend in particular told me that I "woke him up." He wants to start holding a gathering of sorts for discussions. I thought that sounded wonderful.

There are other signs too. These two following posts were from a blog I wrote two entries for and forgot about because I was so busy trying to help start an independent business.

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Monday, March 2, 2009
Mercury:

I am tired. My exhaustion is both from work and from my life. There seems no end to the signs and conflicts that cross my path.


So why do I feel so alone. Why do I feel so isolated and completely cut off?

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I am in the middle of a huge project for work. This project has taken all of my time for weeks. Even through this, I can not lose myself in it long enough to avoid the heaviness in my heart. It's a hollow place, weighing me down... crushing me under its absence. In all of this, I get signs... little things I see and hear that tell me that maybe I am not completely crazy. Fine. Maybe I am not crazy, but am I still doomed? What if I can't let go? What if I can't find my way? I wander...

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Thursday, March 5, 2009

...if this is all the love my spirit can give...:

I am typically the kind of guy who will always stop to help strangers. It's not some big showy thing or even a big deal. I have just always been that way. I believe the best way to change the world is often to change the way I do things. After all, I can't complain about someone else's behavior if mine is no better.

This morning a woman at the gas station wanted a ride. She said she was stranded. It was morning, and a clear (albeit cold) day. The cashier warned me that she was a liar and I had this sudden feeling inside of danger. I told her that I could not help her but that I hoped her situation changed. She seemed more irritated than upset, but I did not know what else to do. She also wanted my cell phone... but again, I had that pang of fear. All I could think of was that she could run off with the phone. I offered her change for the pay phone, she refused, saying it didn't work.

Had I given her a ride, she could have pulled a gun on me and I would never have been able to do anything about it. Then again, she may have been genuine. I do not know. I called my wife and told her and she said that I did the right thing because she could have been dangerous. My question (and the one that will nag me all day) is: is that the person I want to be? Do I want to be the guy that only helps when it poses me no danger or inconvenience? If I had given her a ride, and she did pull a gun on me, would it be so bad to die doing the right thing?

No, I don't have a martyr complex, I just don't want to get so jaded that I lose sight of what I should be.

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Did I do the right thing? I don't know...

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END.

I suppose these feelings have been here a while.